Fear

Yesterday was my first time flying after the humiliating experience which ruined my thanksgiving last year, where I was escorted off the plane upon landing, from a beautiful trip to Ottawa, by transportation police and interrogated by homeland security reps over accusations I still don’t quite understand. Unfortunately experienced quite a few nerves and flashbacks from that day. It probably wasn’t a big deal, but it’s hard to describe some things in a way to justify the exact experience and emotions that come from it. OCD and anxiety make it even more challenging to move past certain negative or traumatic experiences, especially if no resolution or sense of justice came from it, … as the recurrent ruminations sometimes can make it feel as if you are reliving the moment again. Luckily I did not draw any further suspicions with an additional disadvantage (with respect to the unceasing era of stigma and lack of awareness and compassion about mental health issues)…Especially, as a brown woman, having a panic attack on the plane, and previously accused of “passenger disturbance” is not entirely the “ideal” situation.  The fact that I have traveled here to spend time with family I barely see helped create a sense of peace, serenity, and calmness amid the fears….
And ultimately, there are unnecessary fears we impose in ourselves, and those our environment tries to impose on us…. sometimes it is difficult to tell between the two, ….nevertheless, I still love flying…
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