Hi! Thank you for visiting my blog. I would like to take this moment to introduce myself.
I am Elsa. By day, I am a nerdy PhD student, aiming to become a scholar and practitioner of international development policy.
By night, I am Elsa, the Warrior KQueen.
I have created this space in part for personal reflection and growth and in part as a form of service. My primary goals for this blog are two-fold. Firstly, I had begun to call myself a Warrior Queen in recent years as a form of much needed self-empowerment, as I continue to cope and address my battle against anxiety and depression, which I have struggled with for nearly 20 years of my life. I aim to offer any service or resources in whatever way I can in the process. I believe in Gandhi’s words, that change within is the only way to help others.
The secondary theme that will be apparent in my writings is the notion of “intersectionality,” and “intersectional feminism,” a fairly young concept, gaining more visibility on various issues in recent years. Through my world, I hope to demonstrate, in my writings, the challenges evident with the multiple intersections of identity and in turn, its parallel effects to the state of mental health and well-being.
In the process, I aim to share resources, some personal revelations, observations and commentary on social issues, poetry, and perhaps some short stories. I plan to share my story through various ways, demonstrating how my creative process has helped and will continue to help me deal with the challenges given to me, and in hopes that it will provide some solace and catharsis to myself in my journey. Also in a way, I will give a piece of my heart to the reader, especially those who struggle from significant and unique life challenges in isolation. As there is always comfort in reading about a story or a struggle familiar to you.
I am also using my blogging as an opportunity for self-apprenticeship, in order to develop my own creative voice and help me through some difficult moments in my life. This in turn implies that growth is always constant and no matter where we are in life, we are always learning and growing. And I believe we can and in some cases, must, do that together, collectively, no matter our background or where we are in life, as long as we open our hearts and minds.
I would like to be a bridge among my brothers and sisters as I recognize and understand the ramifications to human alienation, and feel that I can offer a form of diplomacy, even as the narrative of my life protrudes a great sense of uncertainty and instability.
Knowing in the back of one’s mind that perhaps someone may be listening is a great way for anyone to regain some strength and courage to keep going and fighting their unique battles. I strongly believe that freedom is not just given to you, it is something you must take. In some circumstances, negative forces in the world strip you from that freedom. To sustain and maintain requires an active and conscious effort with a strong personal will for change.
I have begun to call myself a Warrior Queen, at a stage in life, where I have sought that freedom, and this allows me to explore it further. It also begun at a time when I experienced a concerning relapse in progress. For that reason, it suits me and my struggle, serving as a daily reminder and placing greater worth in what I must stand for in my own eyes, the vision I have for myself and what I hope to contribute. And most importantly, how I want to be of service to others who have been or continue to be in similar or related circumstances, those who have big ambitions and dreams, and beyond.
Elsa, is in fact my real first name, given at birth, and it has always been my name.
I say this because in recent years, people who I meet show some surprise that it is my name, mainly due to the name of the most recent addition to the Disney Iconic Queens, Queen Elsa from Arendale. In another post, I will refer to how this has impacted my life, interestingly, since I was always the only Elsa in all my different social networks and their was pride and struggle with the uniqueness to this name in my life throughout my childhood and into adulthood, especially with respect to my socially constructed identity.
So there is an interesting connection to my struggle for embracing and valuing my intersections, which I hope to describe in later posts. In various ways, I did connect to the struggles exemplified by this Disney Queen Elsa, especially with respect to the fact that the story shows at times she is quite misunderstood. However, I believe the intersections of my identity and my struggles add a type of flavor to the “art of being misunderstood” distinct from this character and worthy enough to bring to a larger conversation, contributing to the secondary theme of “intersectionality” to this blog.
There is much I want to share with the world and there are many ways I hope to contribute in making a meaningful impact and change. This is one way I want to be of service. I begin this blog now, to share my voice that I personally may have silenced. I begin now especially to start building some courage in my passion for writing. As we know, writing from the heart, and writing your truth, can take a lot of courage, and there is much fear in the process. This blog will help hone my skills and diminish my fears.
And claiming the title of a “Warrior Queen” is not meant to challenge or eliminate a sense of humility; though I know what kind of impression that can give. (It certainly, by far, is not original.) As someone who has worked hard for change and believes in constant evolution and betterment of character, I strongly believe it is important to keep humility in check. The application of the word “Warrior Queen” in this blog and in my daily mantras, is for the plain and simple purpose of drawing some strength and courage. Simplicity and consistency can go a long, powerful, and deep way as sources of empowerment.
As you can see throughout the blog, I apply “KQueen” and “Queen” interchangeably to distinguish myself from the concept. The K before the Queen is simply the initial of my last name. I will explain a further connotation I recognized, but am still developing, in a later post.
I also claim this for my pursuit and devotion of service to the “human family.” If I haven’t lived up to that “Elsa: The Warrior KQueen” that is envisioned in principal, until this present moment, I will channel all my strength and courage, and live up to it every minute going forward.
Further, with this blog theme, I want to show the versatility of a Warrior Queen as warriors have soft spots as well. Not to mention sometimes awesome, sexy outfits and armor…like the unforgettable Xena, Warrior Princess. 🙂 I believe warriors are people who turn their imperfections and personal struggles as opportunities to serve others….Your weapons and armor comes from your soul and mind. Truthfully, just like anyone else, a Warrior is allowed to shed a tear. You can have immense sensitivity and compassion towards others and still be a Warrior. You can love humanity and be a Warrior. I do believe it takes a certain type of strength to cry in front of others without any sense of shame. We are human after all. And there is such thing as “righteous tears.”
I have lived with depression and anxiety for a very long time. And there are moments still that I find myself going deeper down that dangerous path, recognizing the need to change direction, and quickly. Like many people unfortunately, I am more often than not, my worst enemy. No one can sustain this kind of life. And I can no longer restrain myself and repress my compassion and kindness towards myself.
I started off this piece, distinguishing who I am by day and by night. But the truth is, I have to be a Warrior Queen day and night. I know, as we all do, that I will relapse and fall back many times, as I have and continue to do so, sometimes painstakingly on a daily basis, but if I remind myself that I am “Elsa:The Warrior KQueen,” if I honor that vision, a binding pact, I will pick myself up over and over again, and I will reclaim it. I have learned that perhaps there is a good reason why over the years, I perceived I was not getting the support I think I may need from the people I love, that it may have been there the whole time, but it appears that at those times it was intended to be a part of me and my story, so I can learn to be a fighter.
I am now quite angry at my demons. But it is “righteous anger.” It is an anger that I must allow to grow, as a Warrior, in order to destroy those demons.
Over the past few years I have become more enlightened about my condition, more self-aware…and many of us with similar struggles and challenges at times, for example, cannot help but think in black or white terms, even for the little things: either people care or don’t care, either you love me or you don’t, either you’re my friend or my enemy, either I am a success or a failure, either I am a winner or loser, …the very trivial matters that accumulate and slow us down, aiming to defeat us ….One common and powerful theme unfortunately with many, something I have been guilty of experiencing myself from time to time, something that, if not properly placed in check, can often lead to an individual’s sad demise, is “either I Live or I Die.” ….
…And I choose to Live. Less as a “survivor,” and more as a “Warrior.”
I hope to demonstrate what it means to live with the vision of a real fearless warrior, as “Elsa: The Warrior KQueen.”
As I share my story, may it serve a greater purpose in even the smallest way possible.
All we have is NOW. We must make the most of every moment.
Thank you for reading my first post and featured article!