“My Voice is Not an Apology.”
– Nayyirah Waheed
“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”
– Mohamed Najumi
Dear Fellow Warrior,
I recently shared my new poem, “The Choice of Return, Reclaiming the Crown.“
You can read my poem on my other Substack: “Sword Dispatch: The WKQ Letters”, and you can listen to the voice recording of the piece while reading it there. Here is the link:
https://sworddispatch.substack.com/p/the-choice-of-return-reclaiming-the
Hope to share a new edition on the Sword Dispatch, my second newsletter that curates the content I publish here on the “Chronicles of a Warrior KQueen” in May and June, and specifically on Mental Health, by the end of the month.
Here is the post that introduces Sword Dispatch:
https://sworddispatch.substack.com/p/introducing-sword-dispatch-the-wkq
Feel free to learn more and subscribe for free here:
https://sworddispatch.substack.com
Last Tuesday, I returned for the first time this year, back on the stage to perform at an open mic poetry night at Busboys and Poets, in DC!
Here is the YouTube Video of the performance:
I also recorded a short update video for my YouTube channel that same night, which I hope to edit and share soon!
I am perhaps a little less fierce with my voice in the recording within the Sword Dispatch article. That may connect better with the tone I was going for in this piece. But you have options to listen, read, and watch the poem being performed! So there is no excuse!
As I noted in the last post, I wrote this piece in April after returning from my Pilgrimage to Makkah. It speaks to my journey back to my faith and the Hijab (head cover).
It did take a lot of courage for me to get back on the stage, and to perform this particular piece, in part because it was the first time I had been on stage in Hijab since college, over 20 years. I just needed to do it. I don’t wear Abayas too often, but I dawned one from Madinah, KSA, from my Umrah experience, as well.
And it felt amazing, empowering, being present on that particular stage, embracing my whole identity… chanting “Labaik Allahumma Labaik.”
Overall, it was definitely empowering… channeling some powerful moments from when I used to be on stage in Hijab in my younger years. It was about reclaiming my voice, power and space.. and a strong declaration…
This entire year of 2025 has been about that… both at a personal and collective level…
And it was amazing to be back on stage again… for the first time in the Crown… embracing the true identity of the Warrior KQueen.
I was happy that I could also say Free Palestine loud and clear into a Microphone again for the first time this year.
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I anticipated limited… or even no engagement… when I shared this YouTube video of the performance on Facebook and Instagram, and not just because of an Algorithm.
And I just want to say that I am okay.
I prayed for it, and I was prepared for the invisibility, even though I knew how it would feel, I was prepared for the pain of my soul being dismissed, even by fellow Muslims, family and friends, as I have shared in this post, and this one, recently.
And perhaps I should assume that people did actually read those statements I wrote both in the blog and originally on Facebook, which is great! But it just confirms that I was right.
I already know how to live with pain of all kinds… this one just required a different kind of strength, and more patience. Inshallah.
There’s a kind of invisibility that has followed me for years. I have written about it here often. It feels like a curse I can’t seem to shake, no matter how much I speak, create, or try to show up with truth, sincerity, and revolutionary love.
It is a little different, isn’t it?
Seeing a woman reclaim her power in person as an audience member vs. when you view it on the video…
I appreciated the Host’s remarks with every performer that night, “If you ain’t clapping, you a Hater.” There is great truth to that, both online and offline.
I recall, in my freshman year of college, when I recited my first Hijab poem, “The Gift of Purity” at a Muslim Student Association dinner, the reactions were mixed.
I wasn’t as strong, I was young, I was very much obsessed with Islam, but I didn’t know too much… I raised a legitimate concern with the MSA group on why the leaders were not supportive of someone pouring their heart on the stage, and the response from one brother was… “You shouldn’t expect praise.”
I get where that comes from. But I think many Muslims can easily forget that the matter of ar-riya (seeking praise in worship), or the like…. is a matter of the heart. It is entirely between the soul and Allah. Your relationship with the Divine.
But there is another relationship you have with the Ummah.
And it is not a sin or a crime for any woman to even just hope for some solidarity, support, constructive feedback, rapport, or engagement. Especially on a matter connected to our faith… our mutual love for Allah (SwT).
I remember the next day, a sister told me she never saw the Hijab as a gift from God, just as an obligation. I get that.
The truth is, I had always been obsessed with the concept since my early teen years when I first asked my mother about it. I told her that I wanted to wear the hijab when I was around 13-14 years old.
She told me the other day that she remembers that conversation.
That obsession never went away, as much as I tried to run away from Islam within my 20s and 30s. I have always been fascinated by the revolutionary concept, the respect, dignity, modesty, symbolism, power, and struggle, and I can’t apologize for continuing to explore it…and talk about it… both in the religious sense and from the academic purview.
There is always going to be a sting when you pour your heart into something and no one seems to care. But I prayed a lot for this. I am proud of myself, not because it was easy, but because I knew what the response would be, (and I was right), and I did it anyway.
It was the first time in over 20 years that I stepped on a stage in Hijab. It took everything in me to return to the mic, with my true identity, and to share it online after experiencing so much invisibility, especially in recent years.
And I was proud of the shift that I am developing in my heart, as I fully embrace the fact that “Allah has to be Sufficient.”
I also sense that there might be a discomfort of some sort, some unsettling sentiment or some cringe if you watch the video and hear my stage name at the beginning… using the titles, “Dr” (a doctorate earned with blood, sweat and tears)… and the “Warrior KQueen”, the alter persona, the mantra and title I gave myself in the middle of my PhD program, to fight my suicidality and depression, and stay empowered and resilient.
I know that branding may feel cringe, self-indulgent, or silly to some people…or it hasn’t resonated with people I know, but it is who I am.
Claiming that from time to time, especially in my creative spaces, is not arrogance, narcissism, or showing off, or attempting to be someone I am not.
As I often say, I can’t shrink just to make others feel safe and comfortable. And I’m not going to conform to mediocrity, and to participate in any subtle silencing attempts.
While some might assume that as an indie writer and academic, I’m just seeking attention… what I’m actually doing is just being who I am… reclaiming space and power that belongs to me. Remember, visibility is not the same as vanity. There’s a big difference.
If there is anything that anyone could take from this, it is the courage to show up even without perfection and polish.
I want the sisters, especially the younger ones, to know that you do not have to be the skinniest, prettiest, polished, most perfect, most articulate version of yourself to take the mic.
You don’t need the masterpiece to share your poetry, painting, or art with the world.
You just need to do it.
The societal standard, even coming from your peers, friends and family, that involves rewarding perfection over effort, courage, and resilience…is such a grand travesty. Excellence is not the same as perfection.
Secondly, I have to keep encouraging sisters to support and engage other women, your sisters, especially at those moments, when they reclaim their voice, power, and presence.
I feel this is a perfect example. You don’t have to be at the same level as them in the same journey of your faith. You don’t have to think, walk, talk, and breathe the same way.
We can embrace and love our differences and understand the core message of empowerment and social inclusion, as women.
Allow the sister’s courage to be vulnerable, courage to put herself out there, to inspire you with the courage to engage and support her, especially when you see her alone.
Don’t wait for the social validation. Don’t look at the silence around their work and assume they must not be worth supporting.
Whether you see them online or offline, please don’t scroll away without listening and offering support.
Please take this lesson from me and from my experience, knowing how it feels, if nothing else.
And if you do come across my creative or academic work shared online, please don’t look at my shortcomings and flaws and see the silence and lack of engagement I have on my videos, posts, poems, writings, and art, as a sign that you need to be 1000% perfect in your own work… to even put yourselves out there.
The silence is not a verdict on your voice, your authentic contribution. It doesn’t make it any less worthy.
This is what prevents us from even showing up and having the courage to put ourselves out there in the first place. We must push past this false belief that we need perfection to be seen or heard.
You have to start somewhere. Some days you’ll bomb. Some days you’ll shine. But you show up anyway.
How many years have I been creating, posting and sharing, confronting the naysayers, doubters, negative onlookers, and frenemies, and it never stopped me. It got to me many times, but it never stopped me. It only made me stronger.
I am still going, even through the adversity and invisibility, the pain, hurt, and discomfort.
Again, on my end, I plan to remain resilient.
I am going to return to the stage at the end of this month to share my piece I wrote at the beginning of this year, the first piece I didn’t self-publish, “Prisoner of Conscience: An Ode to Solitude” to close out this difficult chapter of my life, as I fully embrace the Inward Revolution and reframe the past 5 years for the remainder of 2025.
So I look forward to sharing that with you in two weeks. I hope you give it a listen.
I hope if anything, you see and read this message.
I would be grateful even if you just read the piece, if it is hard to watch the video.
It may not be a masterpiece, but I can say many years down the line, that it was my authentic, original piece, it was me… and it will always be important and special to me.
The world may forget you…erase you, ignore you, silence you.
But it is your duty, your act of resistance, to remember who you are.
To return to the truth of yourself, crown yourself, even when no one else will.
Alhumdullilah, I am learning to live with the silence. To try to hold the sting with more grace….and to keep creating anyway. It takes tremendous strength to keep going after silence. But I’ll keep going. I always do. And I hope to encourage others to do the same.
And to any Muslim sisters reading this… I just want to repeat, that I really hope you’ll show up for other sisters when they speak. When they create…. when they take a risk. Online and Offline.
Allah is sufficient for me… and He always will be, Inshallah. That is the change I am feeling so powerfully within me. It is a change I definitely needed to keep making the modest contributions in this short life, chasing after Akhira, and not just Dunya.
But I still believe in the power of solidarity.
And I hope you will let me show up for you, as you navigate your own professional, academic, and creative paths… especially in the tough terrain that women are often left to walk alone.
Alhamdulillah for the strength to return… and the courage to share.
Thank you for reading and witnessing the power in my voice.
In Solidarity, Warm Salaams, Peace and Blessings
Your Sister, Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus, the Poet
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Thank you for reading and engaging!
You can learn more about my work here.
Feel free to subscribe to my academic newsletter, “The Qualitative Inquisition (Qi),” for insights on all things qualitative in the social sciences.
You can also subscribe to my creative atomic newsletter, “Sword Dispatch: The WkQ Letters,” which curates the work from Chronicles of a Warrior KQueen, for insights on intersectionality, mental health, identity, and social justice issues.
I welcome discussion. If you find my work inspiring and necessary, I appreciate your support as I continue my academic, writing, and creative journey. Check out my page here to learn more: https://buymeacoffee.com/drelsatk
Thank you, and I wish you well on your own professional, academic, or creative journey!
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