Just Another Ode to Pakistan… From an ABCD

Dear Fellow Warriors,

I wrote this piece a few months ago, and I have been meaning to share it for a while now. Just mustering up the courage, because it may be slightly embarrassing and exposing perhaps, and imposter syndrome can always make it worse. But I am someone who remains an open book nonetheless, and an effective way to improve is to expose. And this all connects to the message I am trying to convey in sharing this.

I had been missing Pakistan for some time, and it was actually four years ago, coincidentally, on this day, that I returned from my Fieldwork in Pakistan, March 19, 2019.

This piece is the first ever piece I wrote in Urdu. Admittedly, it is in “Broken Urdu,” ‘Urd-English,’ and maybe an Urdu/Hindi, very much influenced by the Urdu vernacular from my travels to Pakistan or perhaps even the Bollywood movies I would watch growing up.

I share a little more context in the Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/O7iWi2xnugk

It has always been important for me to learn Urdu at a stronger proficiency level, and I am sad I have not had the opportunity yet. (My written Urdu is poor, so I have written this out in English writing. The way that I have spelled out the Urdu words using the English alphabet may also be inaccurate here, but I believe it’s good to show the imperfection in general, to honor the ABCD identity and experience.)

A recent Facebook post back in January, brought back Facebook Memories from January 2017, where I was drinking karak pyala chai with my parents in the night, in Nooriabad, Sindh. With respect to all the photos that I shared during my time there, a Facebook Friend wrote, “I don’t know you very well, but it seems that your heart, soul, and body belongs in Pakistan.” I think she was right.

It pains me that I have not been able to come back to Pakistan since my Ph.D. fieldwork ended, now 4 years. But I am hoping to come back someday… I know that things have changed so much… In the world, technologically and beyond…

But this classic identity crisis, for someone who falls in love with the country, but doesn’t necessarily feel a sense of belonging or ownership of that nation, language, culture, it’s still very real and it remains Timeless.

I will say that if you cringe when you hear me speak generally in English, you will cringe even more when you hear or read this, especially if you know Urdu. It does not in any way give just to the beautiful Urdu language, but I hope it gives justice or elevates the voice of “the ABCD” that has developed an unconditional love for their parent’s homeland. So I appreciate your patience and open mind and heart as you read or listen to this on my YouTube Channel.

So here it goes:

*******

Aista, Aista: Just Another Ode to Pakistan from an American Born Confused Desi (ABCD)

Aista Aista sab kuch samaj aata hai
Yeh Pagal Dr. Elsa Ko…
poetry lik lik kar…
sab kuch….
Kabih bohl neh meh toh tora… torah mushkil hai….
Angresi, jai Urdu…
magar aista aista…

Aista aista sahin hai nah?

zamana badalgahai
aur badalraha hai…
mafi upne aap se mang nah chaiyeh…
bohot bohot shukria, merebani, danebaad, manana,
ke meh aapki Imran Khan ke tara Urdu bohl sakhti ho at least…
Yeh Urdu ke luvs
…bohot zabardust, khubsurat, namkeen…
aap ki Khewra mountains ki tara,…

dhuk hota hai ke mene yeh zabaan nahin samaala, teek tara seh….
phir meh Urdu meh mushaira lik tih… aap ki liye…
Urdu meh aap ki Allama Iqbal ko parthi…
meneh sunah tah ke Mere Dada Abu likte the, ..

Aur dil or damaak ko sukuun milta hai
Jab me daaba, dabaa, dabaa ki likte hu…
Kabih Kabih lagtah hai ke mene humare parampara ko taba kar diya hai,
Damaak meh yeh kyu aata hai, jab aap mujhi bhool jaate hai..

Ek gaana tha, Bollywood Film Hum Tum Meh..
Shayad Aap ne Sunaa tha?
“Soch thi hai zaada, kaam samajti hai”
“Soch thi hai zaada, kaam samajti hai”
college meh
meri beyno tho yeh kehti thi, ke yeh gaana mere liye likha tah…

aur….
damaak meh yeh kyu aata hai…
ke humari khandan ko, mera ammi and abu, dada, dadi, nana, nani ko bohot disappoint kara hai
duk dia hai,
isliye ke meh tora alag ho…
ya meh chaati ti ke me ek alag zindagi banao ….raho
Ek Taraf Azaadi ki Nishaaniya
Dusri Taraf Qiyamat ki Nishaniya ??
Pata nahin agar yah kohi aam alfaaz hai…
ya isliya ke me tora zaada such bolti ho…
yah such likti ho…

aur mera Ajnabi,
well, mera Ajnabi toh Ajnabi raichuka,…yaar…
sare dunye gumliah..
Aap ki awaaz nahin sunaa..
Aap ki shukle nahin milaa…
Aur woh sala budho asmaan se bhi nahin giraa…
liken yeh Zamana toh aisa hai nah… kya keh sakh te hai..
Aur meh shuru se ye kehti thi,.. ke mera makshsat kuch aur hai….

Yeh kaise hoh saktah hai keh meh mili ho aap seh bohot kam, liken me aap ko itna yaad karti hu.

Ek din, aap ki meeti mati mere hotoh, aur mere zabaan pai keley gah ..
Aista Aista meh aap ki dhil jeetong ghi.. phir se… mere yaar… Pakistan…
ek din…zaroor.
ek din aap ki zabardust khaane meh mazah karongi
Peshawari Chapli Kabab, Sindhi Bhiryani, Nahari, HaleemKofte, Bakare ka Plow,
Aur pir Rasmalai, gulab Jamon, kheer…
Peshawari IceCream ki baat kuch aur hai.. man…

ek din.
….Aap Ke Ajrak lepet ke…
…meh aap ke gahda gari meh behtungi,
meh aap keh bakare ke Bache paalongi
meh aap keh ooot peh bhet kar cheekon gi,
meh app keh jooley me joolongi
meh aap ki chand aur Sitaaro ki neeche,
karak pyala chai piyon gi,
Qissa Khwaani bizaar meh aap ki Kaava chakon gi,
mere pathan baiyoh ke saath
aur Qissa sunon gi…
aur Sunaung gi,

Merebani aap ne mokna dia tah,
milneh meh,
aur mujhe bohot salaam aur pyaar dia tah…
Ek pyaar jo kahin nahin milsaktah…
kahin nahin mila

Merebani..
aapki Mehmaan Nawazi…
dekhing gai, Aap mujhe boolingai nahin…
koi baat nahin agar buree nazar aap deng gai….

Liken…
aap ke lieey, toh mera niyat or dil saaf tha.
aur mera pyaar aap ki liye saaf or sacha hai…

aap mujhe boolongai zaroor,
Sab muhje booljaatai hai… jitna pyaar me dehti hu… dunya ko..
Shaiyad yeh mera kismet hai…
Lagtaha hai, Meh torasa toh samajdaar bangayi… chalis saal baad…

Bas yeh samajle
Ke Meh Janti Hu…
Abhi tuk bohot kuch samajna hai, bohot kuch parna hai…bohot kuch amal karna hai…
Meh Janti hu…

Aur ab app paani meh dubgeh… phir se
Dil bohot bohot chaata hai ke meh aap ko madat karoo
Yeh mere Valid or Valida keh mehnet tha
onke Amreekan bacho ko Pakistan leyjake, milake, samajne.

Aur isliyehai
jab seh meh mili hu aap seh… siraf Aphi ke bare meh sochti thi…
Bachpan seh meh chaati thi, ke meh aap ko kissi tara seh support karoo…

Dunya kabih ageh karde tha hai, aur pir peeche..
Yeh Sabr bohot mushkil cheeze hai, liken bohot zarurat bi hai…

Jutna bhi aap mujhe boolsakthe hai…
Meh utnahi aap ko nahin boolsakthi…
inshallah..

Har jaga jahan bhi pochti hu…
DC, Singapore, London, Tiblisi, Montreal, Istanbul, Miami, Houston, Oshkosh, Barcelona, har jaga….
Aphi ki yaad aati hai…

Woh Badboo ka Shushboo, jabhi meh pochti karachi ka Airport.. (Jinnah International…)
Woh dood wale, Popcorn wale,
Beethoven ke gaane,
Motorbike aur Rickshey
Bohot sare log Bus ke uper behteveh
Guard ki seetiyah…
bohot sare billiyah…
Even..
Purane ilakhe meh Kabar Khaana…

Toh koi nahin aap mere dil or damaak se nikal sakta hai..
Fazaljaan neh mere naam
“Jungle ki sher” rakha tha…
Meh darthi thi, liken

Marna yah darna
Masboot or bahadur thi…
Bhohot sari Qisse sune tai aap ki,
such or insaaf dhil seh..
kula damaak …kula dil seh,
aur me sun ti rahon gai…
Aur kabul bun ki..
Me zaroor dunya ko sunao gi…

Apne Khaala ko batati ti ke me ek din bare Admi banjaungi…
Aur dunya koh madat karongi…
Parahi itna karke, pata nahin tha, ke woh abhituk bohot dur ki baat hai…

Aista Aista
Woh din aigah zaroor, jab hum milen gai, phir seh, chalte, chalte….
Shukriah
Meh hu apki Dr. Elsa.

Shukriyah aap ne yeh mocha dia hai, issi wakt
mera awaz sune meh, aap ki bohot meribani.

Pakistan Zindabad.
Assalaamu Alakum.

*********

Thank you for reading and/or listening, and giving my voice a chance.

Peace, warmth, blessings and Solidarity,

Your Sister, Dr. Elsa

Warrior KQueen

“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus