“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” Dr. Brene Brown
Dear Fellow Warrior,
Another statement I had to make at the close of Mental Health Awareness Month this year was something that had to be said, based on the idea that I am keenly aware dozens of people I know are watching my posts on Facebook (and beyond), and not engaging, for a long time now.
I believe this behavior, even when it’s widespread or normalized, contributes to the harmful culture of social erasure, and at times, even borders on online bullying.
And I want to say, something I will keep repeating every time I share something that does not get the engagement it deserves from people in my personal communities, especially when it is clear they are consuming my content regularly:
The lack of engagement on what I share online (most recently, my special Gaza 5K experience and other recent reflections, artwork, and writings) does not reflect the true worth or value of what I’ve shared in any way, shape, or form.
All it reflects is the reality that I no longer have a healthy, safe, and supportive community here. This is not the fault of my authenticity. Nor is it attributed to an algorithm. This is the fault of a society that teaches people to disengage from discomfort instead of grow from it… and a society that punishes vulnerability, courage, and struggle. This silence, whether it’s intentional or passive, is not neutral. It is very harmful.
And I will continue to name it. I will continue to resist.
This isn’t just about one post, one day, or one walk … it’s a pattern that reflects a much deeper social failure, one I’m no longer willing to tolerate or stay silent about, and it leads me to something broader I’ve needed to say with greater clarity and reflection for a long time… not just to my social media circle, but to anyone who has ever observed my journey from the sidelines…. generally to all professional and personal contacts who follow my posts on social media.
Because this pattern is too familiar and too harmful to ignore… I need to say this with full clarity, dignity, and self-respect:
To those who only intend to engage with me when I achieve and share a conventional measure of “success”… a book announcement, a high-impact journal publication, a fellowship, a professorship, a job offer (because yes, all of this will happen, whether in the next 10–20 years or sooner)…
I ask you to reflect on what it means to ONLY show up when someone is visibly thriving, and not when they are vulnerably and unapologetically sharing the struggles behind that journey.
I don’t want your approval only when I become “socially acceptable” to you again.
That’s not community… that’s opportunism.
This kind of conditional engagement… based on clout, comfort, neoliberal capitalism, and social inequalities… is part of what makes our spaces UNSAFE.
It erodes our sense of belonging…
Telling us to hide aspects of ourselves that would make others uncomfortable…
It mirrors the same performance-driven, transactional culture that discards people the moment they show signs of struggle.
If you disappeared during my grief, my process, or my honesty…when I generously gave you “front row seats” to my life, my story, when I didn’t have to…
And if you ever come back around, realizing you were wrong to doubt me… because you were and are utterly WRONG to doubt Dr. Elsa… don’t expect a red carpet.
I will not shrink myself down to receive your fake “congratulations.” I’m not playing that game. I will directly call it out for what it is…
Because it’s not just wrong… it is a social injustice. And I refuse to accept it. I will choose honesty over diplomacy any day if it is connected to any type of injustice.
I am not here to be consumed only when I’m polished and published.
I am not a brand. I am REAL. I am a person… a full human being with intellect, depth, contradiction, and real-time growth.
If you couldn’t stand with me in Struggle, please don’t pretend to celebrate me in Success.
My definition of success is never giving up… staying resilient through adversity, obstacles, all sorts of hardship, and through the dehumanization and demonization that comes with it, through everything Women of Color often endure when we dare to speak our truth and talk about these injustices connected to our hypervisibility and invisibility.
Please don’t show up when I’m thriving if you couldn’t be present when I was hurting.
And that goes for how you treat all your colleagues and friends… regardless of their socio-economic, religious, or ethnic backgrounds, which are ultimately connected to their political orientations as well.
Whether you like it or not, I am speaking what needs to be said. Not just for myself, but for everyone who feels the same and cannot articulate it. They don’t have to courage to engage me, but I know if they actually read me, they would feel seen. I know it.
As for me, I’ve seen enough to know I no longer care for performative support that shows up ONLY when it’s convenient or comfortable.
This is pure cowardice. And the intellectuals whom I know absolutely know deep inside that it is cowardice.
I know some of you have disappeared completely because I stopped accepting your scraps of fake respect and performative kindness, and when I dared to speak against war crimes, genocide, mental health bigotry and stigma, and when I stood up for myself against erasure and invisibility.
Good. For. You.
I’m not here for your clout culture.
I don’t perform for anyone’s comfort.
I’m not a fake person. I am REAL. I will ALWAYS be Real.
I am honest. I am bold.
I am an intellectual. I speak the truth.
I honor the truth and I always will.
I hope it is clear that I am not afraid to stand in my truth. And I will no longer feel hurt for the betrayal and abandonment because of that.
Did you hear that, Dr. Elsa dropped the mic again. Allahu Akbar.
In solidarity with every sister who dares to speak her truth and rise against injustice, for herself, and for all those still finding their voice…
Peace, Warmth, and Blessings,
Your Sister, Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She Wasn’t Looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
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