“It is the responsibility of intellectuals to speak the truth and to expose lies.”
– Noam Chomsky
Dear Fellow Warrior,
I can’t. I can’t express how much rage, grief, heartbreak, and sadness that I have right now… and how we are all just expected to keep going. To just… function, smile, perform, “network,” to keep advancing in our lives and careers….
After 20 months of watching the brutal, systematic annihilation of an Indigenous population…in real time. Right in front of our eyes.
I don’t even know how to process this anymore. I have so much to say. So much I want to write. But I can’t breathe. I just can’t. I can’t do this “normal life” performance right now. I can’t read any more essays about the end of Gaza… when my heart is holding on to a thread of hope…
This may feel like the end… but it’s only the beginning of an even darker era… that most people have no idea is coming…
And somehow, we are supposed to just keep going..carry on like nothing happened. Like nothing is happening.
Meanwhile, on top of that, we are holding the burden of the consequences of our dissent to senseless slaughter…
On one end, I seem to be hated by silent Zionist bigots, who mask their obvious bigotry, Islamophobia, and racism behind intellectual neutrality.
On the other hand, I’m quietly resented by neoliberal “frenemies” who smile publicly but are secretly pleased that my activism has slowed down my career progression and publication goals.
And then, somehow, I am also resented by supposed allies… people who support Palestine in theory, but can’t stomach someone they personally know who’s speaking up. Someone who’s putting herself out there more than they are. Someone who’s doing more than just reposting infographics, videos, or safe, curated commentary.
Someone who’s writing blog posts, painting for Palestine, participating in community events, marching in the nation’s capital, writing letters to children of Palestine, and then sharing all of it on social media.
Doing anything and everything possible, and having my intentions be judged for all of it.
So of course… they’ll abandon me too. Because instead of standing behind their brothers and sisters doing more, our courage reminds them of their silence… our voices make their passivity uncomfortable… our presence makes them avoid confronting their own complicity.
And then there are loved ones… people close to me… who appear to believe I am the problem and resent me for it. That I need to be on the down-low to land a job, because I’ve been “too vocal” about Palestine… That My life is going off track because I chose to stand on principles.
Tell me, am I supposed to feel guilty for letting a Genocide interrupt my life?
Am I supposed to apologize for being utterly devastated? Am I supposed to just “move on” just to make others feel comfortable with their decisions to keep quiet and not do more?
Yes, my life has slowed down. Yes, I’ve struggled in many more ways, compounding the challenges I already had before the Genocide.
I have struggled because, for God’s sake, I care.
Because this matters.
As I have said in the past, as much as society shames struggle, I will continue honoring it, especially if the struggle exists because I am standing against the most heinous crimes against humanity.
And if your life hasn’t changed or hasn’t been impacted economically, emotionally, or spiritually in any way… during the past 20 months, then I’m sorry, but you just didn’t do enough.
You just didn’t care enough. Period.
And we shouldn’t feel sorry for saying this, when we ourselves feel ashamed for not doing more…
So no, I will not feel bad for feeling this Holocaust deep in my heart, soul, and bones…
So if you take pleasure in seeing your own friends and colleagues suffering right now, because of feeling the Genocide deeply in our souls, please go ahead and enjoy your parties and celebrations and friend circles who don’t care about human rights.
Enjoy your status. Enjoy your titles… Enjoy staying friends with Genocide apologists and neoliberal capitalists who sell their souls to killer corporations, because you haven’t made them uncomfortable… because you were too afraid to strain your relations with them, so you didn’t say a thing.
Enjoy your scholarships…Enjoy your tenure. Your fellowships. Your name in the spotlights, your awards, your book deals, your publications…
Will you truly be able to look at yourselves in the mirror properly over the next 2-5-10-20 years and be proud of yourselves for your decisions during this Holocaust?
The reason I may not be in the same place as many of my peers isn’t because I’m behind or that I am less talented… it never was…
It is because I have always chosen authenticity and integrity over conformity and compliance. I have chosen conscience over peace and comfort. I have chosen humanity over competition and hustle.
And that is a huge success you can’t quantify with titles.
I would much rather be in my position … in a constant state of struggle and despair… than be the person who closed their eyes, shut their mouth, and covered their ears…. morally complicit in Genocide for the rest of their life.
I will not apologize for a normal, natural reaction to this Genocide in Gaza, which is far more tame than it should be at this point.
I thank Allah (SwT) for helping me sustain a sense of dignity, humanity, and humility during this darkest moment of modern world history.
Ya Allah, please ease the suffering of our dear brothers and sisters of Palestine.
Free Palestine. Allahu Akbar.
Peace, Warmth, and Blessings,
Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you find my voice inspiring and necessary, I would appreciate some help and support as I continue my academic goals, writing dreams, and creative journey. Check out my page here to learn more: https://buymeacoffee.com/drelsatk
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