Dear Fellow Warrior,
This year, Netflix dropped the third season of Bridgerton and while there were elements that were disappointing for some fans, I resonated with it at a personal level.
Indeed, admittedly, Bridgerton has been a guilty pleasure of mine, and I am certain a lot of other people too! So don’t leave me hanging…
If you haven’t watched Bridgerton, !SPOILER ALERT!
Not too much of a spoiler, I promise!
After watching this episode, I reflected on the many ways in which Lady Whistledown and The Warrior KQueen are similar, with slight differences. It really intrigued me this season, as someone who relates to this character the most in the popular Bridgerton Series.
Here are the 10 similarities/differences that I came up with:
- We both are “unconventional” but still desire some form of the “pursuit of happyness.”
- We both are somewhat “unpopular” (for lack of a better word) and don’t fit into society’s standard of beauty (short and a little plump).
- We both don’t believe that we have high prospects for marriage, but may still secretly be holding out for “love.” Though I always quote Atticus the Poet with this line at the end of each post (also on my blog banner): “She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.”
- While she is treated like an outcast due to her appearance, and personality, I have been ostracized in some spaces for other reasons: the way I speak (my occasional stutter), my personality (disorder), and my “brownness” (ethnic and religious background) in certain environments (especially white-dominated spaces).
- We both feel misunderstood, as outcasts and have been bullied for some element of our personality or appearance, and face significant adversity for “thinking outside the box” (the cultural norms of society), as well as for our critiques of “society.”
- We both are indeed “protagonists,” while perceived at times as “antagonists” by some. We are deeply flawed, but have real scars for feeling like outcasts and being bullied.
- We both have had feelings for men that according to societal standards, are “out of our leagues.”
- We both love to read and write…. and are writers (confessional writers).
- We both write about societal taboos and injustices. She gossips about individual people openly and anonymously, however. I don’t mention specific people in my writings and try to stay away from that (other than people in leadership or top positions that already are subject to public scrutiny). I focus on societal and systemic injustices, at both a micro and macro-level. I ruthlessly criticize the systems, systemic biases, social injustices, social taboos, and cultural stigmas, especially in the communities to which “I belong,” with the aim of curing stigmas.
- We both have “alter-personas.” While Lady Whistledown is fully anonymous, I am not anonymous, but rather cursed with a stronger “invisibility” (both online and offline) which ends up making my words largely unseen by those who could value or benefit from it. Ultimately, to some degree, invisibility can lead to an unintended anonymity. And I think Lady Whistledown also faces a different kind of invisibility for some episodes prior to her outing as Whistledown.
I did mention this on social media around 2020, during the U.S. election season, as well, but I have to confess before the end of 2024, that I do believe I, Dr. Elsa, the Warrior KQueen, am the “Lady Whistledown” of our times.
That could explain a lot of things….
No, I am not trying to give myself greater importance in any way. I only felt the strong connection to that character and I wanted to share that.
Though I shouldn’t dismiss myself or dim my own light either.
I do believe it would have been an interesting story, if I remained anonymous here. And it is quite possible I remained invisible simply as Elsa Talat Khwaja, to most people among a small fraction of people…
And perhaps my words may have reached more people the past few years, if I was just “The Warrior KQueen,” and nobody knew it was me.
Here is a post I wrote during Suicide Prevention Month, on World Suicide Prevention Day, this year, re-introducing the Warrior KQueen, and the reason behind this alter persona, all these years:
But I was not only speaking truth to power in my writings on social media and here on this space, the past 8-9 years, I was also speaking my truth, empowering myself and my voice, amid my invisibility, and giving myself the “safe space” I needed to share my truth, for catharsis, for authenticity, for belonging, and more…
Unfortunately, I still feel “invisible.” Understandably so. Beyond the evil eyes, and “Big Brother” and stubborn algorithms, authentic women of color face this all the time.
The notion of “invisibility” has become a crucial part of my story…. As I had that premonition at a very young age…which I shared in previous poems and posts.
Like “Invisible” and “Invisible Revolutionary.”
One other way that we are slightly similar, is that I address my posts in this blog, with “Dear Fellow Warrior,” while she addresses her letters with “Dear Gentle Reader.” It was just a coincidence. I began to write my posts like I was writing a letter, because I wanted to get more personal with any of my readers, and also at the same time transform my posts so that it wasn’t just about me.
I naturally wanted to transition into connecting with the reader, hoping the reader would resonate with my story and I would attract other Warrior Kings and Queens to feel safe to tell there’s, and to be a part of my community. As I shared here in the About Me/My Story section of this blog.
I connected to Nicola Coughlan’s character, Penelope Featherington, generally, and the most, among all characters. This shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me. It was refreshing that an unconventional, “underdog” in some way, can have her love story. {Also, I must say that Nicola looked absolutely stunning, gorgeous and sexy in all her new outfits this season!}
However, while I was happy that this particular love story transpired, and this is the love story that I always love to see happen for women who don’t necessarily “fit in,” I fear it is to a great extent, unrealistic and fabricated, something that belongs just in the story books and not in real life.
Because I don’t think “invisible” women like me and Lady Whistledown would actually find their love match with “Prince Charming” in real life.
I think I am a bit of a cheesy “old romantic” and I don’t believe there is room for the “old romantic” in this world anymore, and genuine love matches are perhaps rare, for most of us.
I was reflecting on this, having turned 40 this year. And I just like to add that I am glad I was a truthteller in a lot of ways in my life. For example, in my relationships…. I am glad I wrote those letters and poems to the men I had feelings for and was honest about how I felt. Even if it backfired. Lol. I stopped doing that at some point realizing it may have been a turn-off. Even Lady Whistledown kept silent with her true feelings.
I did face a great deal of hurt and rejection, but I am still glad I was honest.
And I hope if anyone reads this, especially after the types of “apocalyptic moments” and crises that we have faced in the world, that you won’t hold back…that you will be honest and tell someone how you feel about them.
Life is too short to keep waiting. When you know, go after it. Take the risk. Be honest. Speak your truth.
There is an evolution, a transformation in her character in the end. Change can happen. We must keep hoping, believing, and working on “rewriting our stories” and “changing our stars.”
I loved watching her revelation (though I felt it was too soon in the story).
“I only realize how common that feeling must be, to be a young lady to whom no one listens.”
That line did it for me…. Like my heart was skipping beats…
“But I see now how much courage it takes to live a life out in the open…to honor one’s weaknesses publicly, for all to see and to know…regardless of the outcome, one always has worth.”
Powerful…
“And I can no longer conceal the biggest piece of information that I have… My Identity.“
She was right about all of this.
That’s something I am proud to claim for myself as “The Warrior KQueen.”
And everything that “I am” as I shared here in this poem. ….
That I didn’t stay anonymous, even if it led to further marginalization, ostracization, and “invisibility.”
That I have lived and continue to live my life out in the open. And intentionally… as the “Qurbani Ka Bakara” the Sacrificial goat, on so many issues, with respect to all my intersectional identities…
And intend to embrace a “portfolio life,” immersing our whole selves in every space, and harnessing our creativity, authenticity, and fullest potential.
I know I faced considerable stigma and evil eye (jealousy and envy) for even trying, in my own circles, in my own communities.
But that was the courage that Penelope is referring to…
And I too see growth and evolution in myself.
I also know that there are so many women who connect to this character, both Penelope, and her alter persona, Lady Whistledown.
I understand that the challenge for women who struggle with invisibility is so profound. And I will always be rooting for the Underdogs, women especially.
My underdog story may consist of fighting to find that “Sword.”
My voice. In writing, in speech...etc…
But as I always cite Epictetus: we “Persist and Resist.”
So…
To the Underdogs, Unconventional, Authentic people, and Outcasts… to all the “Invisible Women” in the world:
You are not Invisible. Your story, your pain, your life matters.
Whether you find “your Knight” or “your Sword,” you have an incredible story with so much yet to be written.
Please don’t hide and don’t let the world that attempts to invisibilize you, dim your light.
Cheers…
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” – Dr. Brene Brown
“You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” – Dr. Maya Angelou
Solidarity, Peace, Warmth and Blessings,
Your Sister,
Dr. Elsa
The Warrior KQueen (aka “Lady Whistledown of our Times”)
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was Looking for a Sword.
Thank you for reading! Please learn more about me HERE: https://linktr.ee/dr.elsatkhwaja
************
My first self-portrait from two years ago (and poem that connects to it): https://www.warrioretkqueen.com/the-radical-brown-damsel-in-distress/
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