“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you.” – Rumi
Dear Fellow Warrior,
This reflection emerged during this ongoing moment of self-discovery. As I shared in my previous post, I’ve recently experienced a reawakening… one that has ignited a wave of contemplation, memory, and meaning.
There have been signs of rebirth, of return, of a new lens through which I now view the world.
This piece is for every woman reclaiming her identity in full… without shrinking, without dimming her light, and without apology.
******
When you first start wearing the hijab…or return to it after a very long time…there are many “firsts” you seem to experience all over again.
The first time running or going to the gym.
First time going for a walk.
First time going to the grocery store.
First time checking the mail.
First time taking out the garbage.
First time talking to your confused and surprised neighbor.
First time a random brother or sister initiates salaam to you (the best feeling ever).
First protest. First 5K. First suicide prevention walk.
First birthday.
First meeting. First interview.
First presentation. First conference.
First date.
First drive.
First think tank event.
First bus ride.
First metro train ride.
First time in a library.
First time traveling…
It’s like you’re discovering the world all over again.
From a new lens, a new identity, like a fresh start.
SubhanAllah it’s breathtaking. It’s exciting.
You are being reborn, with new meaning and purpose in life.
And when you begin to look at the world for the first time through a purer lens…The process of forgetting the past…or just releasing the grip of a past that brought you down…the traumas that keep repeating in your head…
You are starting fresh with a new identity, as a stronger woman than you’ve ever been…
And it becomes a little easier….the letting go part…Even if it takes time. Because you are transforming, even if your relapsing from time to time…
It does get easier. And sometimes it’s necessary.
It’s a new world.
And SubhanAllah… it feels like that ultimate “second chance.”
A second chance at life. At Love. At Community. At Sisterhood.
At Opportunity.
SubhanAllah. Because you’ve been craving change for so long.
You are crafting a new identity. You just didn’t know how. And you still may not fully know how to “rewrite this story.”
Especially when the world you knew before doesn’t welcome this change… and keeps bringing you down…
But this is it… that “opportunity”… that blessing..
To “change your stars”…
It is the perfect inward and outward revolution.
One that still requires significant patience, because the inward revolution, you know too well, cannot happen overnight.
Back in high school, when I put it on for the first time, I called it a “gift of purity.” That became the title of my poem about the hijab which I wrote that same year.
I have now written a new poem. I wrote it in America’s National Poetry Month in April, right after returning from the Ultimate Revolution. I hope to share that with you soon…
SubhanAllah, indeed what a blessed gift Allah (swt) has given us…
I used to say in High School when I put it on… I’m still the same person. But you aren’t. Not entirely. How can you be?
It’s different now. And it’s okay.
Just like before, I know I have and will continue to lose a lot more people that I was already losing in my life, for “choosing authenticity” and staying real, and not hiding any of it. Not being afraid of expressing who I am, or who I am becoming… so why hold back now…
And it’s different now, especially when you begin to acknowledge the importance of your vicegerency inwardly, more than ever before…
The first few days back…
From the Heart of the Ultimate Revolution…
I would always get excited to step outside my apartment, even though my world was still limited.
And all those firsts on the list… among many more to come… should Allah (swt) let me have a tomorrow…
no matter how they feel,
Even if I am further invisibilized and given the evil eye…
Which I know I will be…
I know that whatever I do, I will do it with greater conviction, strength, and honor, because of that Taqwa.
Because I can say with confidence, even amid the occasional doubts, even amid the grief of losing the person I was before, that I am holding true to an identity that I always held in my heart, that always belonged to me… This time with even more sincerity, resilience, wisdom, and knowledge.
Alhumdullilah. Alhumdullilah for every woman finding herself, being true to herself, and walking her own journey, that is right for her. And owning it, without shrinking, without dimming her light… fearlessly unapologetic…
This piece is part of my journey back to the Divine… through the lens of the Ultimate Revolution, and the everyday revolutions we fight as women finding our way back to truth. May it meet you whereever you are.
“And whoever honors the symbols of Allah… indeed, it is from the piety of hearts.”
– Surah Al-Hajj (22:32)
Thank you for reading.
In Solidarity, Peace, Warmth, and Blessings,
Your Sister, Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was Looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
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