“You were never asking for too much. You were simply asking the wrong people.”
– Anonymous
Dear Fellow Warrior,
I have learned the best way to fight invisibility is to keep showing up. Keep posting, keep putting your words on the page. There comes a point when you have to stop internalizing the silence, dismissals, the half-hearted applause, the rejection.
It has nothing to do with your merit and worth. It has everything to do with them.
And there comes a time when you realize that it is not arrogance when you say those three powerful words out loud: I deserve better.
I’ve given my heart to communities that couldn’t hold it. That rejected it.
I’ve spoken up in rooms that never gave a response back. I’ve poured my soul into work, into healing, into art, into justice…
I have written powerful words that could blow the roofs off buildings.
Only to be met with eyes that refused to see and ears that refused to hear. People who turned their cheek. Because they could not accept that a person who looks, walks, and talks like me could have some value beyond their expectations. Beyond what they see on the surface.
Then we are made to look into ourselves and wonder why we were never enough. Where did I go wrong? What is wrong with me?
It wasn’t me. It was never me. It was never you. It was always them. Their fear, their blindness, their refusal to let you in, because you “colored outside the lines.” You didn’t neatly “fit in.”
And yet, I still kept giving. I still kept showing up.
Because I believed that love, truth, and resistance would eventually be enough.
But now I know, I was enough all along. I still am.
I deserve better than performative support. Better than being tokenized.
Better than the invisibilization that so many of us warrior queens face simply for existing with truth and fire flowing in our veins. Because people cannot handle a woman who defies expectations and contradicts their assumptions about her.
This isn’t a complaint. They call us complainers, don’t they, when we raise concerns about societal barriers, systemic biases, social taboos, and norms that attempt to silence even the most unconventional truthtellers of all.
No… It’s a reclamation.
Part of me accepts that I was meant to be more of a giver than a taker. That’s my role in this life. Whether people accept it or not. It doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve better.
We are seeing these two words more often these days, aren’t we: “Reclaiming” and “Reimagining.” I’m using them too.
We have a “window of opportunity” for change. Both at a personal level and a collective level.
But anytime they see a woman rising into the light, they need to find a way to bring her down, back into the darkness. They cannot give her any love or support once she starts showing potential or doing bigger things that help her progress towards her goals.
I don’t want pity. I don’t seek a pity party. I don’t share my truth and my experiences honestly, boldly, and unapologetically to have people feel sorry for me.
I want accountability. I want reciprocity. I deserve mutual respect and dignity.
For space to breathe without being questioned, to speak without being silenced, to exist without being dissected, scrutinized, and ostracized.
And no, it was never too much to ask. And it isn’t too much to ask now.
I am not here to shrink. To dim my light. To water down to match the comfort of others.
I am here to live, fully, fiercely and unapologetically.
And yes, I deserve better. No one should feel guilt or shame for this declaration. Especially if the world keeps sending messages to your brain that you don’t.
Every Warrior Queen deserves better.
So if no one has told you lately … you deserve better too.
Please know that I see you. And I’ll be here to remind you that you don’t need anyone’s permission. Your light doesn’t need permission to shine.
And maybe you need to hear this too: You have a right to your story.
It is yours… your pain, your truth, your healing. All of it. You own it. Not them.
You have the right to your narrative. No one… not market forces, not family members, not your professors, not your siblings, not your friends, not your co-workers… has the right to silence you.
You get to speak your truth. And when you do, whether you realize it or not, you are speaking truth to power. You are reclaiming your voice. You are choosing not to be controlled.
The way people react to your truth is a reflection of them, not you. If they’re triggered, let them sit with that. It’s theirs to deal with. It is none of your business.
So to whom this may concern…
You can take away my health. You can strip my livelihood.
You can try to break my spirit.
But I will never let you take away my pen.
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” – Anne Lamott
Solidarity, Warmth, Peace, and Blessings,
Your sister, Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
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