“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” – Kahlil Gibran
Dear Fellow Warrior,
When you begin to see things clearer…see the truth… when you begin to learn more about what “mental health stigma” and what “mental health bigotry” looks like across all domains… in the family, in the workplace, in the community, in academic spaces…
…connecting the dots to how that has manifested in your life…
…and the unnecessary stigma and injustice you faced because you spoke your truth, for survival, for curing that very stigma, for trying to build community and conversation to “talk away the dark,” …
….You wish you didn’t know.
The pain of that knowledge makes it so much worse.
But if I am taking my time to learn the full picture here, and to try to help myself while literally no one is willing to be there, to even check-in, during the toughest moments of my life (while having a condition), and ultimately all these years showing mercy towards this bigotry…. forgiving people for not taking any of their time to show support, to set aside egos to learn and to understand, to push through the discomfort of the unfamiliar, it says everything about who I am and everything about my soul.
It shows who the bigger, better, stronger, person is here. And I must protect that.
Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes and we all may hurt others from our words and our actions and we take responsibility. But to use one’s condition as an excuse for not taking responsibility for your failures and actions is bigotry. To ostracize, marginalize, scrutinize, and harm others because of any elements connected to their identity, to amplify any natural human mistakes, reactions or behaviors, and to dehumanize them because of their condition, when they have shown ample receipts indicating their competency and goodness at heart, is bigotry.
I have been open to being wrong. Always. But here, I know I am right and I am determined to prove it.
I am right and I will own it.
I have always been ahead of these times, especially on this issue. And I will own it. Those ahead of their time are those who do not conform to social norms, especially the norms that harm people. And on mental health, among other things, I will own that.
I must use this newfound enlightenment, this newfound lightbulb moment to continue to build my character, I must use education as my refuge, as Aristotle said. The pursuit of the highest degree in my field was what was saving me, ironically. The search for the truth and the dissemination of that truth. I must retreat to this. You must forgive, for yourself, and for Allah. But you don’t have to forget. You have faced grave social injustices.
You tell your story because you have an important message to share with the world, and for the need to change the psyche of society.
When I put my condition out in the open, I left myself vulnerable to the risk of it being used against me, and it was… as it is now… but I made every opportunity available for people to talk to me, to converse, to engage in dialogue, to learn.
People have shown me that I never mattered to them. And I don’t matter to them now. I wasn’t a priority. I wasn’t important. Nothing I did, no achievement, nothing I shared or put out in the world could ever matter to them. They made their decision about me at their first impression when they met me and never changed it. They made me feel even less worthy, less important, and made the pain even worse.
You have to advocate for yourself. As I shared in my last piece, you can’t let them control your story, your narrative, and your life. They will always paint you as the villain in the story, even though you are the truthteller, because this is what happens to truthtellers, they are always attacked, chastised and pushed into the margins. For me, everything is interconnected.
People don’t want to talk about it, then I have to turn to writing. I will “write away the dark” here with you. And I will now more intentionally use my writing to fight my condition, as I shared in the past, it helped me. I shared a tribute to this blog here on World Suicide Prevention Day:
And now, I must make this more intentional. I must make this approach of using my writing to fight my condition, which always was the primary purpose of this space, intentional.
In the process, I hope someone who reads my words can read with an open mind and learn something, or even get some support and relief from it….
I shared that video on social media and got zero engagement, or next to limited engagement, even from people who knew how important this has been to me in my life…I know they saw it… Why? Because, this year, after so many years of being ignored about this, I decide to express my frustration with this? Am I not allowed to show my righteous anger and frustration, when I know that even the smallest connection to others, simplest conversations, even just small consistent notes of encouragement and support occasionally could have helped me.. .. help someone during their recovery and healing process, and in the most difficult time of their lives? Do you abandon them because they are struggling more, because they are unemployed or struggling during a key transition in their lives?
How could anyone see that video and have ill feelings towards this person’s bravery, in trying to survive? Have I really been surrounded by such a close-minded unsupportive community my whole life? If I was a survivor of cancer, or any other illness, and I wrote a blog about it, would I get more engagement? Does my creativity and authenticity and courage to speak my truth intimidate people so much so that their egos are hurt and cannot accept being exposed for their betrayal and abandonment? Is my existence and persistence a reminder for the insecurities and failures of people who are around me? Are all my other identity factors, like race, gender, religion, political orientation contributing to the stigma as well?
I have more than enough reasons to believe that the answers to these questions are affirmative, unfortunately.
You cannot allow people to dictate how you feel about yourself and your worth.
They used your condition against you at times when they were clearly in the wrong, to not take any accountability for their actions, or to absolve themselves from feeling guilty for not doing the smallest things to support you. It was wrong.
The wrong is clearly evident when power tactics are used against the most vulnerable because they are more vulnerable.
One example is the discrimination against people with visible or invisible disabiltiies, or personality disorders, at the systemic and institution levels, when the condition is protected by the law.
I have experienced this.
And this discrimination is compounded with other identity factors. And it cuts across so many issues: the truth is very painful and I talked about another Inconvenient Truth About Suicide Prevention before.
May Allah vindicate me in front of the evil I have encountered in this life or the next.
May Allah help me accept the truth, however painful it is, and focus on what I can control as I continue to better my life, and build my future.
May Allah keep me patient, merciful, humble, righteous, strong, resilient, as I push through this new level of pain that is emerging from knowing the truth.
“All your scholarship would be in vain if at the same time you do not build your character and attain mastery over your thoughts and your actions.” – Gandhi
I carried this quote with me throughout my entire higher education. And it was connected to mental health. And I will continue to take it with me going forward. I’d like to explain in another piece on what this quote means to me and it’s significance to Mental Health in Academia.
No one should have to suffer with mental health stigma and bigotry in their life that makes their already existing conditions even harder and unbearable. Unfortunately, so many of us do. Take heart, warrior. This is why you are here with me. We have been building an army against this war. And I am not talking about taking out the pitchforks here for a political revolution. We can talk about that another time, because there may be an intersection to explore there.
But this entire conversation is about inclusion, empowerment, and belonging for all at a different level. We channel our trauma for the greater good. The change we seek for mental health starts from within, the “inward revolution,” the internal, cognitive level and across the pysche. We have to start from within us and let that change be so intoxicating that it would be impossible for those around us to ignore… Let’s continue the conversation.
Solidarity, Peace, Warmth, and Blessings,
Your Sister, Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
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Thank you for reading and engaging!
You can learn more about me here. If you feel inspired by my writing and would like to support me, you are welcome to do so HERE.
I also welcome discussion. Please feel free to use the comments section below. Thank you, I wish you well on your academic, writing, and artistic journey!
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