“You have to go the way your blood beats. If you don’t live the only life you have, you won’t live some other life – you won’t live any life at all.”
— James Baldwin
Dear Fellow Warrior,
June is Pride Month. And all month, I have been struggling with something…
Among the reasons why I started to explore other faiths in my early 20s, were the discussions I would have with other brothers and sisters around Homosexuality and Islam.
I could not accept what I was learning and hearing.
I continue to struggle with this today.
Throughout my life, on medical forms or other types of surveys, when it came down to picking a “sexual orientation,” I would always stop for a little longer. Just stare at the question for a bit.
And if there were an option called “Questioning,” (there would be eventually), with a heavy heart, I would choose that option.
Sometimes, I would even choose… Bi.
But at those times…the level of conditioned shame in my heart would be so intense, even though it was something I kept to myself.
But when I would choose “Heterosexual,” the pain would be greater, but strangely, there would be some relief as well… as if I “did the right thing.”
And I don’t think I will ever know…for sure.
I always thought what I was witnessing among Muslims was bigotry.
But I understand Allah’s word on this.
The thing is… it can be bigotry, if you are not careful.
One time I met a woman at a coffee shop. She was a beautiful, Pakistani, Muslim sister around my age, and I was enjoying our conversation.
We were talking about guys and marriage, and it just randomly slipped out of my mouth, “Would you ever see yourself with a woman?”
Her response pierced my soul.
Her response: “Eww Gross…. Never…that’s disgusting.”
I still get goosebumps when I think of that…
The eyes are welling up with tears as I write this, with that flashback in time. Because of how I felt so embarrassed at that moment for even asking that question. This was about 10 years ago.
We are conditioned to feel shame.
After that, I could never have that conversation with a Muslim again, or even remotely allow myself to be attracted to another woman, in that way.
There is an attraction equal to both men and women (that honestly I think many women do have)… but throughout my adult life, I would find myself more shy, “lowering my gaze” towards women, far more than men.
Perhaps, because it felt as if that was far more “forbidden.”
And I can imagine, if I were to be certain…no longer “questioning..” and “come out,” as I had “come out” with mental health, how much backlash I would get with some people in my life, if not direct, then definitely indirectly, over time.
I can imagine this now because this is what happened with me “coming out” on mental health… over time… and the intersectional challenges as a Muslim woman of color have compounded that stigma…
But not just that, how being queer would be perceived as part of the “mental illness,” to some Muslims, and not who I am.
If people, Muslims in particular, distanced themselves from me because of what I have shared about fighting depression and fighting suicide, or having a debilitating personality disorder…
…. My God, there is no doubt in my mind that ostracization, chastisement, scrutiny, and abandonment will be greater.
A major double stigma among the other stigmas.
Perhaps, I am in a way, “coming out” for the first time, with that “Questioning.” In this post. Even if this is in the Void of the Blogosphere, or a community that doesn’t quite exist…
And maybe the avid reader of Dr. Elsa, the Warrior KQueen, may not be too surprised.
But there are too many other stigmas that people can hide behind.
People of faith can have their personal feelings connected to what God has mandated. But other personal feelings can get mixed into that, too. And too often, people of faith, use the word of God to justify and hide behind their bigotry.
That is the thing I have a problem with at the moment.
What some do not understand is that there is a line you cross. On the one hand, there is abiding by the Quran and Sunnah. On the other hand, there is that judgment you place on others, because of a discomfort with something unfamiliar to you, because of a lack of empathy and compassion…. that is Bigotry.
There are some other major and minor sins that Muslims commit, including Zina and Alcohol consumption, or giving evil eye and harming others, but for some reason, there is greater “disgust” for the LGBTQ community or even the idea of supporting their rights….and they express this disgust in the name of Allah, while committing other major sins in Islam… To me, I sense nothing but hypocrisy.
I came across this video on YouTube from Dr. Omar Suleiman, and while I understand his bold stance on this, from the Quran and Sunnah, I was hurt by his visible lack of empathy and compassion for them as human beings.
There can be a way you can talk about this without degrading that community that has experienced significant traumas and persecution.
As a persecuted people, do we not have the ability to empathize with other persecuted people?
And that was always my argument as a Muslim in support of the LGBTQ Community, that I also feel a personal connection to, as someone who has been “Questioning” all her life, largely because God’s word seemed to contradict something I suppressed inside me.
Something that may have been a major source of my depression.
I fear that too many Muslims, faithful practicing Muslims, and people of faith in general, live in this contradiction/duality/tension/burden, for the lack of a better word.… and do not even dare to question it, or seek help in understanding and processing this tension.
They hide in this shame, in part because of their love for God, in part because of the fear of how their families and communities will perceive them and treat them. I know many Muslims are struggling with this.
And perhaps we need to start recognizing that this internal wrestling, this jihad, may be one of the greatest sacrifices they make in their vicegerency to Allah (SWT)… choosing to bear that burden and pain their entire life… alone, in hopes that even if questioning one’s sexual orientation is “wrong,” in the eyes of God, Allah will understand.
And Allah will forgive.
I must wonder, without supporting an “Agenda,” would it hurt if we showed compassion and empathy for their suffering?
There is no “evil agenda” of the LGBTQ community in America or anywhere in the world, and no one is trying to make everyone Queer or open to Queerdom.
The graphic below shows precisely why they are suffering… and why there isn’t a “Straight Pride.”
And these are the reasons why we stand with our brothers and sisters of the LGBTQ community, and we should as Muslims who are supposed to speak against all social injustices and show compassion and mercy to all people.
While I have great respect for Dr. Suleiman and other scholars, I have to disagree if they are suggesting that we cannot stand with this community against their persecution, in their political agenda.
If we do not honor universal compassion, we are complicit in these injustices happening to our brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community.
Acknowledging human suffering and offering empathy is fully in line with the Islamic ethos of mercy.
And I can say with great certainty that the LGBTQ community is standing with us… with the rights of Muslims, even knowing how a large fraction of the Ummah and other religious communities at large may treat them.
This isn’t an “I scratch your back, you scratch mine” type situation. This is about a universal compassion and mercy for those struggling to live in their whole truth… to not be bullied and killed because of who they have naturally fallen in love with…
We do not have the right to place any judgment.
This is how I see this…
Justice and human rights are what have always strengthened my connection to Islam. We should not contribute to the “othering” that leads to violence and hate towards any marginalized group.
May Allah forgive me if I remain misguided and help me understand if I am wrong.
Standing in Solidarity with the LGBTQ+ Community.
Happy Pride Month.
In Solidarity, Warm Salaams and Peace,
Your sister, Dr. Elsa
“And those who strive in Our path. We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good.” – Surah Al-‘Ankabut (29:69)
“Indeed, Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who purify themselves.” (2:222)
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