“Pain makes your world very small. My world has been this room. Today I venture forth. My world can’t be small, not now, because the others need me to protect them.”
– June Osborne, The Handmaids Tale
This was supposed to be my post for Mental Health Awareness Month in May, and then June came. And now we are in July. Not just stating the obvious…lol… please read on…
Those words quoted above…. I felt those words to the BONE, as I anxiously watched our precious resistance queen recover from a bullet wound, that should have killed her, after saving 86 children from Gilead… Did you?
The Handmaids Tale FINALLY made it back into our lives this year. Later than we had hoped, but you know what they say (I never really know who)… sometimes good things come later 😉.
And this season was TOOOOOO Good. I did not think it could get any better… but with every episode, it just got better!
I wanted to watch when I had passed more milestones in my PhD studies, but with the anticipation of the new season, having watched the first 3 seasons four times (causing my secondary traumatization), I just couldn’t resist.
As I shared in my last post, I was able to achieve a milestone in June, and crossing my fingers for some others in July.
I have my own reason why I love this show so much. It took me watching it that many times to figure out its allure.
You may wonder why I would have thought to write this during Mental Health Awareness Month? How is the Handmaid’s Tale actually good for anyone’s mental health?
The combined cinematography, writing, music, and the life, struggle, and agony that Elizabeth Moss breathes into her character, June Osborne, is phenomenal.
They fucking waterboarded our June? They pushed her friends off the roof before her eyes. They threatened to harm her child. She was raped and brutally beaten. I agree with the general sentiment that what happened in the season finale was exactly what fans needed.
It is no surprise that Vulture called Elizabeth Moss the “Queen of Peak TV.” Her talent is unmatchable. Every character in this show, even the most minor ones, brilliantly executes their roles. And that face. Oh that JUNE face… Those expressions….
There is something alluring and seductive about pain the more you are in it. (Perhaps an unpopular opinion. But I can be the Queen of that.) You begin to take comfort in it, when that is all you seem to know, and feel guilty for feeling any form of joy when trying to overcome it…feeling undeserving. You don’t want to leave it.
I did want June to make it to Canada, be safe, and stop suffering, as we all did. I also want this show to NEVER END. LOL. I haven’t read the novel, but it has a home in my kindle and I prefer not to read it until perhaps after the series finale.
I recall when the Handmaid’s Tale first started, Donald Trump became the President of the United States. And everyone wanted to move to Canada. Good times. Lol. We all thought that America was really going down…. It kinda did.
But I don’t really think we predicted at that time of the show that there would be a year like 2020.
Hell, as I watch everyone around me think everything is going back to normal slowly as we get our vaccinations, take our masks off, pop out champaign glasses when Trump was defeated … I still want to move to Canada.
But I won’t get into too much detail on that here.
I will have to say, that episode of the aerial bombardment in Chicago, and specifically on June and Janine, was the week Israel escalated tensions in Palestine and started bombing Gaza, ultimately killing 256 Palestinians, and 66 children during their 11-day bombing, displacing and wounding thousands.
I mention this because people have questioned the possibility of the dystopian reality of Gilead being a real phenomenon. Although the Handmaid’s Tale is based on complete fiction, much of what we see does actually happen around the world today. Aspects of Gilead’s life is real around the world. We have far-right extremists in America right now. And Ultra-Nationalist far-right-wing extremists in the Israeli government have made Gaza the largest open-air prison in the world, meanwhile, Gilead being the largest open-air prison for fertile lower or middle-class women. It’s kind of chilling.
I don’t like to be very political in this space, but sometimes when your pain is connected to politics (as in the Handmaids Tale), whether it is generally, or in your PhD program or work environment, or social atmosphere, etc, especially when you speak from a marginalized viewpoint and/or are someone from a marginalized social and cultural group in society, you cannot avoid it. In the case of Gaza, there are no gray areas when it comes to human rights activism.
I am always sad at the end of each season of the Handmaid’s Tale.
The show arrived on Hulu right before Mental Health Awareness Month and also in the middle of Ramadan, a month of Fasting for Muslims. It also arrived at a crucial point in my studies.
The train crossing scene really hit me hard (no pun intended). It reminded me about a few moments in the past that I would slowly stop my car on the tracks waiting for any train to come and hit me. Similar to the number of times I have held onto a rail waiting for “the courage” to let go. I also recall how I always use the analogy for anxiety and panic attacks of the fear of a train about to hit you. To my own fault perhaps I have romanticized pain and suicide. I am not proud of that, but I remain fascinated by not just the romanticism but the neuroscience behind it too.
So as we go into the month of July, halfway into 2021, a year of rehabilitation and recovery, and a month which may turn out to be important for me, along with being my birthday month 😉 , I would like to share that I am yet again this year asking you to support suicide prevention. Like last year, I have created Facebook Birthday Fundraiser here: https://www.facebook.com/donate/404735940805916/404735950805915/
And if you can’t donate now, through me, no worries at all. I create this for the purpose of awareness more than seeking funds. If you can just read what I have written on the fundraiser or this post, and let me know you agree that suicide prevention is an important cause and we should work together to resolve this problem and the mental health stigma consistently, especially after the COVID Pandemic and the terrible year of 2020, even if it is just whispering it in my ear, it would be most appreciated. 😊
It could be that I don’t have many who follow my posts, or who read my blog anymore (some people used to read it) because I suck at writing or I suck at getting traffic or I suck at “popularity contests” or staying relevant and that I’m too old school, or that I am just super weird and annoying. Hehe.
But I’m still here and still fighting. That means I do see value in myself and my life.
I’m going to finish this PhD and become a Doctor. I am going to stop “standing in front of a train, waiting for it to strike me.” I’m going to cross to the other side. I’m going to contribute in my domain of studies and beyond. I’m going to make it. I’m going to be free… And I’m going to help the others…
“You need to stay alive so you can be here when things get better.”
– Janine, The Handmaid’s Tale
Happy Belated Mental Health Awareness Month…. And Happy July!
Peace, love, and blessings,
Your Elsa
The Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a knight. She was looking for a sword.” –Atticus