Say My Name… Say My f***ing Name…

“Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie

Dear Fellow Warrior,

Do you have any pet peeves? We all do, am I right?

I don’t talk or write about my pet peeves too often.

But this one pet peeve I had for a long time now is something that has been bothering me a lot lately.

So I have to make this confession with you, if you don’t mind. It may resonate with you, or it may displease you. In any case, I appreciate your indulgence.

As you know I tend to enjoy confessing or discussing the ‘unspoken.’ 🙂

So one of my biggest pet peeves is people not including names in their personalized messages, especially on important holidays (i.e. EID) or birthdays (a pet peeve for myself and for others).

I don’t respond to generic Eid Mubarak messages or Happy Birthday messages anymore. Sorry, I just find it lazy. I also don’t understand it. You make the time to write a personalized text or message on the profile of someone’s personal space, but cannot say their name on the special occasion?

Overall, I am not pleased with responding to any messages that don’t address me by my name, but they are so common now, so I just hold my breath and do it anyway.
I am not going to say this is my OCD. I am going to call it out in this space….just this one time…venting with you. Is that okay?

Because I don’t actually think this “pet peeve” is all that crazy. Do you?

We all know that popular song from our Queen B: SAY MY NAME.

AND I wonder if people have read Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to win friends and influence people”?

One of the core tips is to remember to state the name of the person you meet, multiple times, if possible, and if you would like to leave a positive and warm impression on that person.

So while one may curse me for being bitter by having this “pet peeve,” I am not the first to see the importance and value in stating names in all types of communications.

It also appears that it may have been Carnegie who once stated that the “sweetest sound” is the name of the person. Nice to know a reference for that. 🙂 I am sure it could go back to some ancient philosophers.

So it is something difficult for me to understand. Why is it so hard for people to state the name of the person they are communicating with at the start of the conversation or when they are congratulating them, saying happy birthday, or happy holidays?

Sorry. I find it frustrating when I receive birthday messages from friends and family who cannot say my name. The name is something that was given on my birthday! Are you saying happy birthday to everybody, on my birthday? LOL. 🙂 I have once a year to make someone feel special, for being born, for being alive at that moment, wishing them many more years of life and happiness…

Truly the best birthday wish must include the individual’s name, no?

I personally cannot wish anyone happy birthday without saying their name. These days I feel bad that I miss some birthdays, but I personally feel it is better to miss it, (at least for my own), than sending a generic message. Others may feel differently. It does not make any sense to me how you can remember someone on their special day without stating their name.

It is definitely nothing personal at all. I don’t mean to offend anyone. It’s nothing personal, it’s the action that confuses me, and brings up other triggers, relevant to social inclusion.

In any case, I choose not to respond to birthday messages or Eid Mubarak messages, unless people state my name in them. Otherwise, it is a generic message that you can send as a message on your own profiles or social media platforms, which I do.

My name has 2 syllables, and it’s a very popular name now, an easy spelling of four letters.

Please don’t mistake my pet peeves for bitterness. I might feel slightly bitter about it at times. But we all have pet peeves and I think this is a legit one to have. 🙂

There are people who make excuses for rudeness online suggesting it is “social media” and you can mistake the tone easily. It is not about tone. Sadly, people really need to accept that social media is now our reality. Nothing can replace in-person communications. But suggesting that social media communications are misconstrued for tone is an excuse for not making the effort to be polite in the way you communicate. It can actually legitimize cyberbullying.

I also believe, on a related note, stating one’s name, and also pronouncing it correctly is connected to the conversations, especially the current discourse, surrounding Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging. People who already feel “invisible,” coming from marginalized backgrounds, may find it triggers their traumas connected to social exclusion and lack of a sense of belonging in some of the spaces you occupy. By stating someone’s name, we are giving them value that is often dismissed in many of the domains they occupy. So it’s ever more important for us to be conscious of this in our personal and professional networks.

Ofcourse, not saying someone’s name in a kind message, is not equivalent to bullying, but I don’t consider it a personalized note. It definitely loses the personal touch, especially for their special congratulatory moments and birthdays.

So if you want to be nice and compassionate and warm and inclusive and make people feel good and special on their special days, you can definitely make the effort to do that. People make this choice not to.

I hope this message inspires us all to consider the significance of names…. In stating the name of people in all our communications, but especially if we make the efforts of sending personalized messages, texts, on special holidays and birthdays.

I echo the sentiment of Dale Carnegie.

So let’s practice….

I will use my name as an example here:

When you say “Eid Mubarak:” Instead… Say Eid Mubarak, Elsa.

When you say “Happy Birthday:” Instead… Say Happy Birthday, Elsa.

When you say, “Congratulations:” Instead… Say Congratulations, Elsa.

When you even just say, “Hey, Hi, or What’s up:” Instead… Say Hey, Hi, What’s up, Elsa.

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but if you send me a “Merry Christmas:” Say Merry Christmas, Elsa.


{You might win some extra points if you add “Dr.” or “Warrior Queen” … but it is not mandatory. 😉}

But the name. Is it really too much ask? Please feel free to comment below if you agree or disagree.

If you take the effort to remember someone, you can easily remember to say their name and make them feel even more special, and at the same time, win their heart. How lovely!

The individual will feel that they are a valuable person in your life.

I encourage you to be the Leader. And adopt this in your life.

Say the name of your friend or acquaintance in your communications, when engaging online or offline.

Extend this to anyone you know, if you plan to send a personal note to them on any medium you are connected to them.

Yes, I was dancing to all the hits from Queen B tonight.…hope to the very least, if you don’t agree with this post (and that’s totally fine), that it brought some of you back in time to enjoy.

Thanks so much to those who take the time to say my name, especially in personal messages on special occasions. Really means a lot.

Thank you for reading. Sharing my insights and words with pure intentions.

Appreciate you reading and giving my voice a chance.

Peace, Warmth, Blessings, and Solidarity,

Your sister, Dr. Elsa

“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus

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