“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” — Tahir Shah
Dear Fellow Warrior,
I sometimes wonder, if I die at any point… would people read my journals.
I write in cursive.. and some of the cursive is illegible….but perhaps what I write, in stream of consciousness and for catharsis, by hand, would be more difficult to understand.
They were those moments when I needed to get things off my chest quickly or those moments when my carpal tunnel was acting up ….or the pen was as heavy as the bleeding heart.
I have imagined the days after my demise, the moments when people would find my body.
I have often seen the images in my mind of people looking through my possessions, finding my paintings, and the piles of journals, then sitting down on the chair where I would write…and reading those words.
I wonder if anyone would take the time to read those words if they never read the ‘filtered words’ that would make it on these spaces online.
Words that they chose not to indulge because it was “too much,” and it would hurt their peace and comfort.
Maybe it wasn’t enough to share “the filtered” with the world.
Maybe if they did read those scribbles, and scattered thoughts in these journals, they would have believed me.
Maybe if they read those words, they would feel a little guilt for pretending they didn’t see “the filtered.”
For “filtering” the “filtered.”
And maybe if they read those words, they could have done more to save me.
Writing may not have been the only thing that has saved my life.
But the need to make sure that another invisibilized brown Muslim woman’s story of survival does not remain hidden and untold, is one thing that has kept me alive.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Dr. Maya Angelou
Happy National Suicide Prevention Week.
Your story matters. Own it. Honor your survival.
Thank you, my dear fellow warrior, for taking the time to read my words that have helped me cope through these trying times, as I speak my truth, even if it triggers something, even if it may be tough to swallow sometimes. I appreciate your patience and understanding.
In Solidarity, Peace, Warmth, and Blessings,
Your sister,
Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
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