This is a piece I wrote as a freshman in college, and like the other older poems I have written, interestingly, it remains applicable for me today. In a sense, it describes the struggles I endure with my OCD, the daily struggle of staying in the moment. When I wrote this, I was not aware of my condition and I was not diagnosed with OCD by a professional as I was later. After reading this piece today, it connects the dots and shows that the battle was definitely prominent at the time of it’s writing.
Losing Track of Reality…
Beginning to read…
decide to take a break.
Discipline myself to sit down…
run my eyes through each letter,
through each word.
Each word switching places
with each consecutive word.
Must get a drink of water.
Begin to pace.
Forgot desire and thirst for water.
Remember desire and thirst for water.
Take a glass.
Wash glass repeatedly.
sit down.
Begin to bring the glass towards lips.
No water in glass.
Stand up.
Pace.
Place glass down.
Pace.
Sit down.
Try to get comfortable.
Uncomfortable is result.
Get back to book.
Yes, break is over.
When did it start.
Beginning to read.
Cannot read.
Put book down.
Pacing…
Pacing…
Pacing…
Some more pacing…
Lips begin to move…
To articulate the minds thoughts…
Pacing…
Body begins to perspire.
Knees begin to weaken.
Mind begins to ache.
Begin to loose breath.
Too much talking..
Repeating words…
over and over and over and over and over again…
Time passing.
Head feels like it will explode.
Brain parts to fly everywhere…
Each component with 15 billion thougths…
No, my head remains in tact.
I stop.
Is it over?
The vicious cycle?
Nope…too bad.
Legs move again…
Pacing…
Pacing…
Pacing…
Body sweats,
Lips dance…
dance in the rhythm common…
Who are you talking to? One may ask.
I am speaking to my thoughts. I may answer.
My thoughts are speaking to my thoughts.
My thoughts are listening to my thoughts.
Thoughts engaging with thoughts.
Having an important conversation. About each other’s thoughts.
What shall I do?
Take a break…
I am already on my break.
No, you pitiful dreamer.
Take a break from fantasy. Breathe. Sit back. Relax….
and make a mark on Reality.
Peace, ETK, Warrior Queen.
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