This is a piece I wrote when I was 14 years old, something that has come to define my struggle in many ways I didn’t realize until I grew older…a poem I often go back to from time to time, in order to regain some strength. It is a poem I have shared with various audiences, but haven’t published. I choose to publish it here as I begin this new blogging experience…
A desperate challenge has been attempted
A temptation to jump one mind to another
Gathering, collecting, absorbing
Such rampant rationale of unconscious, unenlightened benightedness.
An intense pressure to comprehend
To justify and contemplate
To analyze and formulate
An inference declaring a reasoning behind
No peace existing
Within heart and mind.
Appalled by exhaustion
Has chosen to remain awake
For the option of sleeping….of leisure…of rest….is beyond transgression
As the heart signals a threat
Foreshadowing a catastrophe
Of an upcoming warfare.
Shall the heart listen to every command from its commander?
Amazing and yet intriguing
What could happen if one manifested
All that takes place within this entity
Stamped with no identity.
I shall explain
That all this pain
Is not necessarily a mind game
What is compressed beneath the chest
whether I am one playing these mind games
if one other
To create this dent
And play these games with me.
There is a need to request
For an explanation
Of the difference
Between one kneeling
Pressing the forehead to the ground
And one kneeling
With head…hands raised towards the sky
When no one is around
Why I appear to have no shape
Why I appear to be unseen
When I speak, no one hears
When I move, no one views
I come to question my own identity
If my mind is spurred with worthless thoughts
Then shall I not be deemed worthless?
So you give me a choice
Between the rope, the gun, the blade, and poison
And blame these attempts upon the surrendered mind.
Perhaps I have surrendered to the blame
And played myself that mind game.
Yet I still remain
Invisible in your eyes.
Still profess a need for a compromise
I come to improvise.
The significance of my existence.
For the trumpet will be blown
And all shall be known.
So I am inquired why I have been so tense
I choose to provide this very inference
As I have sensed…and come to conclude
That indeed my simple presence
I will intrude
a favor to humanity.