“There are two powers in the world, one is the sword, and the other is the pen. There is a third power stronger than both…That of Women.” 

– M. A. Jinnah

Every woman who has experienced some type of physical or sexual and emotional abuse, has some voice telling her, “you are nothing,” in one way or another.  I hope the message from this poem comes across and the sincerity is evident.

***This not intended to trigger any PTSD for survivors, so my apologies if it does, and please take caution as needed.*** 

I believe and stand with women when they say they are assaulted. 

I thank all women for your bravery and for sharing your story.

I am with you, in Solidarity.

******

i am ‘nothing’ 

I lie here…

Awakened by the threat of an agonizing compulsion…

Fearing yet another flashback of your intrusion…

Sleep never comes when I remember you…

When I remember what you did to me…

When I looked in the mirror…

…Always a dreadful chore…

And saw that light in the eye, slowly disappear…

They say it happens to many…

but still I must wonder… why me?

I ask this question all the time.

But time is never on my side.

What life I could have had…

The life I dreamed of… a life of servitude? …

Or at least, a life where my body was my own …

Instead, it was stripped from me.

You did that. You know you did that.

I know that you know you did that.

When you sputtered those beastly words from your mouth…

When you slobbered all over my trembling lips…

When you invaded me.

You must know…

You stole ME.

My world turned upside down…

And now I fight to stay alive, to keep breathing, to keep moving…

To thaw the numbness….

Day after Day after Day…

All it takes is once…

To ignite this storm…

I placed my trust in you…

And what did you do?…

I froze… I lost.

For that moment… You won.

Congratulations.

I had no idea… that moment, that one moment ….could last a lifetime…

That you would be winning… for a lifetime…

I shouldn’t have smiled that day.

I shouldn’t have put on make-up that day.

I shouldn’t have dressed up that day.

I shouldn’t have been alone with you that day.

I shouldn’t have allowed you to steal my soul that day.

They made me believe it was my choice. 

And I chose to stay quiet.

It will all go away…. If I just be quiet.

No matter what I do, I would be punished.

I chose to be silent. Because you told me that day…

That I was nothing.

‘Nothing’ means I do not matter.

My words do not matter.

My screams do not matter.

My tears do not matter.

My humanity does not matter.

Hence…My flesh, blood, bones, brain, body, soul, do not matter…

Meanwhile inside, the screams never go away.

This is my reality now…This isn’t a dream.

But when I finally find the courage to scream.

No one hears. No one wants to hear me.

I yell…I scream…I wail… I shout… I cry…

I drop to the ground and turn my head towards the sky…

Yearning for my truth to be known… for someone to answer me.

Still nothing.

Still I am nothing.

Why did I bother to scream?

They choose to see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing…

Because I am nothing. I mean nothing.

As I play it over and over again in my head.

I am reminded, I am nothing, I mean nothing, I am dead.

And when you choose not to believe me… I am nothing.

And when you choose to shame, bully, threaten me… I am nothing.

But the worst is when you choose to say nothing.

This choice means I am worse than nothing. I don’t exist.

Not even as a spec of dust. I never existed.

And as I persist.

You choose not to listen.

And you dismiss.

The silence has silenced all.

Telling me to forget that cold wall.

And to be Forgotten.

Please don’t make me a pariah.

Not on this. NOT on THIS.

This mustn’t be Death to MeToo..

I ask them to Believe me. They chose to Believe you.

Without hearing me…

You call me Irate…

The last I remember, MeToo doesn’t discriminate..

What does this say…

What could this mean for us…

They silenced me…They silenced all….

But while your world remains silent…

I now have my army.

Raising our fists in the air,

Emerging with a snare…

Yes, you may call them my angels… Ascending

Marking a Transcendent Revolution…

Because there is only one truth here. 

This happened. 

You raped me. 

And now that the truth has been revealed…

You will no longer have power over me.

They know your name.

And they now know mine.

You pointed your finger at me….

The same finger that you put inside me…

And you told me I am nothing.

I’m telling you now…. I AM something.

I am more than something.

I am a symbol…a star

A shooting star signaling the end of the abuse from men in power….Like YOU.

Long live #MeToo ….

Long live #MeToo

******

 

Peace, Warmth, Blessings,

Elsa

The Warrior KQueen