“Whoever tells others about the blessings of Allah has shown gratitude.” – Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) (Tafsir ibn Kathir on Surah Ad-Duha)
Dear Fellow Warrior,
That night, after my last open mic poetry performance, as I walked back toward the metro, I reflected on all the adventures I had on U Street over the years… and found myself stopping in front of a bar. Just staring at it for a few minutes from the outside…
Suddenly, I was flooded with flashbacks,…the sins of the past… searching for love and belonging in all the wrong places…feeling miserable… and I just thought to myself: Subhannallah… Allah saved me. All those times. And He must have called me to Him for a reason.
I sat down on the metro, and just as I leaned my head against the glass, I was reminded of all the times I did that before… riding home from work, tears falling down my cheeks, not understanding why… as I struggled with depression.
It feels different now, pressing my forehead to the window… Still heavy, but lighter in a way that makes room for faith. And I couldn’t say it back then… at least in the beginning…..”depression”… “suicide.”
Sadly, I’m still not allowed to say it now, the social taboo, the stigma stands, and perhaps worse now, …but I say it anyway… I keep it real. And always will.
I remember how I used to tell myself, I don’t regret putting it on… and I don’t regret taking it off. Because what matters most is what’s in your heart.
And right now… what’s in there is pretty unshakable.
Because no one can take your Islam away from you…
I remember this quote I believe from Hamza Yusuf, which I used to keep on the walls of my apartment in college:
“Remember who you are. Be people that stand up for strength. We live Islam. Breathe Islam. Talk Islam. Walk Islam. Sleep Islam. Dream Islam. Die Islam.”
Powerful.
A part of you may wish you didn’t have to feel so alone in this Inward Revolution… an important turning point in your life…
That other women, especially Muslim women, could see value in my words instead of feeling threatened by them.
Sadly, this is the reality for the authentic, Alpha female, the Warrior KQueen.
But Hasbunallahu wa ni’mal wakeel…
You are a strong, fierce warrior, you were able to fight alone all these years, and can continue this “walk alone.”
And that’s their choice…a reflection of where they are on their own path. It has nothing to do with you. Your heart will always welcome them and support them.
Still, as always, we have to resist the urge to shrink ourselves just to make others feel comfortable to engage us. As we always do.
We have to stay true to who we are… and not dim our light just to be accepted. Not invisibilize ourselves because others want us invisible and unseen and silent.
And because the light ultimately comes from Him. And we never have to hide that…
Hasbunallahu wa ni’mal wakeel. Free Palestine.
In Solidarity and Peace, Warmth, and Blessings
Your sister,
Dr. Elsa, Warrior KQueen
“She wasn’t looking for a Knight. She was looking for a Sword.” – Atticus
*******
Thank you for reading and engaging!
You can learn more about my work here.
Feel free to subscribe to my academic newsletter, “The Qualitative Inquisition (Qi),” for insights on all things qualitative in the social sciences.
You can also subscribe to my creative atomic newsletter, “Sword Dispatch: The WkQ Letters,” which curates the work from Chronicles of a Warrior KQueen, for insights on intersectionality, mental health, identity, and social justice issues.
I welcome discussion. If you find my work inspiring and necessary, I appreciate your support as I continue my academic, writing, and creative journey. Check out my page here to learn more: https://buymeacoffee.com/drelsatk
Thank you, and I wish you well on your own professional, academic, or creative journey!
1
0