Dreams can change….

…And sometimes, they have to….

I had so many dreams. I continue to have many. But it wasn’t until now, until recently, the past several weeks or perhaps the past several months, that I began to revisit many of them.

I dreamed I would be a writer… I keep reading one can label themselves a writer simply because they write….but sometimes I question whether I am there yet, and if I am fulfilling what I envisioned for this dream.

I dreamed I would be an artist, a painter, and it was only until a few months ago that I just started to paint again after cherishing it a great deal as a child, in my pre-teen years.

I dreamed I would be a published author. Well, I am turning 33 in a little more than two months and it remains a dream that won’t happen anytime soon.

I dreamed I would study and work on issues related to Afghanistan and travel to the country for fieldwork….but I may not be able to fulfill that for my doctorate studies unfortunately.

I dreamed I would travel so many places, like India, Sudan, South Africa, Egypt, Australia, Malaysia, and more….but I am currently stuck behind a computer trying to complete all these assignments that should have been completed yesterday.

As an old romantic, contrary to the tough feminist exterior I exhibit often, and the opinions I express among friends and family, I dreamed I would fall in love. I am turning 33 and getting more and more skeptical that it could happen for me.

I dreamed I would become a novelist. I started writing a novel 7 years ago and it still has not progressed to anything worth showing to an publishing house or editor, largely because of my struggles during my current doctorate studies.

I dreamed of living, working, and studying in Washington, DC area…and I was able to fulfill it a bit, during my youth, but I wonder now at what cost and for what….

I dreamed I would be a PhD. Exactly six academic years into the doctorate, with many ups and downs, and tears and sweats, I am still not even close to completing a dissertation, let alone defending a proposal. Now, as I am writing this, I have to working on completing the fifth draft of my doctorate proposal for my committee, as soon as possible, and instead I am here….on this page…and part of me feels better here…not because I want to procrastinate and I’d rather be doing anything but what I should be doing, something I have been working on for so long, (which can often be the case), but I have both pages open, and I just feel more free writing here, and not so much there….

We can continue to dream, but we must be realistic, and we must listen to our heart as well, to really understand and know ourselves and what we want and what we are looking for in life, what will make us happy.

Sometimes our dreams, our goals, our ambitions, desires, wants, hopes, change as we grow older. Sometimes we can bring some of our childhood dreams back…and sometimes we just naturally go a different path even from what we want at the moment….

I may keep working on some of these dreams…as it appears from this blog….we can just keep going and working with what we are given at the present moment to be able to move forward.

But we cannot be disappointed at ourselves for what we have done or have not done. We should keep moving, and never give up on whatever we are destined to do…and we must keep searching for the things that enliven and enrich our soul…and sometimes those things will come over time, after doing other things that may not be as exciting or enriching, but must be done in order for you to get to that place you want to be.

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